I Hate: Dodge Caravan

Tank: Welcome to the inaugural blog post from myself, Tank and my home skillet, Cactoid. The first article that draws my disdain is Dodge Caravans.  This vehicle is the prime example of white trash. If you happen to spot one in the lane next to you, or if your shopping at the local Wal-Mart, please use caution. these vehicles are notorious for having a pile of children entering and exiting as well impaired drivers.  When parked at the market, you may spot a Dodge Caravan in pretty much every aisle. The main focus is to not park in a spot next to them. The reasoning is that children will generally fight over who sits in front. This will lead to a tussle of sorts and then the front passenger door is flung wide open. This will CAUSE a nice dent in your car.  Pissing you OFF!!!!!!

When on the highway, also pay close attention to the vehicles next to you.  If you happen to spot a Dodge Caravan in a lane next to you. Please slow down and let them get ahead of you.  The purpose for doing so is that drivers of Dodge Caravans usually smoke cigarettes without rolling down the windows. This causes insane smoke inhalation and thus causing terrible conditions for the driver.  Smoke in the eyes is a real BITCH!  Not to mention screaming kids in the backseat fighting over who gets to spill all the damn Cheerios on the floor, which is left there for years on end. I think over time they may come alive or some bullshit. 

In closing, Dodge Caravans represent all that is wrong in trailer parks.  Usually behind the wheel is some white whore with 9 kids from 10 different daddies and uses all their welfare money on Meth and string cheese. Please do not take my word for it. Find out For yourself. this is Tank and stay healthy America!!!!!!!

Cactoid:
The Dodge Caravan, once a proud vehicle used by mothers to escort their beautiful little snot wagons to a fro soccer practice, has now become the international symbol for bad choices.  The combination of dodges low resale values and the seemingly endless supply has made this vehicle a perfect mode of transportation for teen moms and meth connoisseurs.  This moving trailer park is often spotted filled to the brim with unbuckled and unbridled future drains on society, and no less then four stickers displaying there every present hunger for terrible music (Often Nickelback, or more commonly The Insane Clown Posse).  Sometimes there may also be a faded relic of the Caravans former self denoting that it is carrying an honor student.  Do not be fooled, no one and i stress no one in that van has ever came close to receiving this highest of elementary school honors.  Another interesting fact about caravan is that I believe Goodyear stopped making the tires some years ago, because i have yet to spot one without at least one spare that is obviously being used way past its intended purposes.  These rolling symbols of trashdom also seem to have an impaired level of visibility.  Anytime one of them sneaks up behind me, while driving, they tend to be so close i can only surmise they are trying to erase their own miserable existence with my exhaust fumes.

In closing,
I DESPISE the dodge caravan and the inbred, single celled motorists that man them.  Its not so much that i despise the horrendous colors and shapes of these vehicles but rather what they have come to represent.  You may say "I'm a single mother and it's all i can afford!"  To which i reply "If you had pulled that crack pipe out of your mouth long enough to suck that parasite out of your uterus, you would not be in this predicament."

This message has been brought to you by Honda Odyssey and other non-white trash soccer mom vans.

Join us tomorrow, where we discuss the biggest stain on America. Juggalo's and Juggalettes